She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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