What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
