My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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