drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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