i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
