He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
