Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
3pm strippers are depressing
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize