Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize