allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
