I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
