Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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