Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
