my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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