4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
