I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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