Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
