haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize