So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
