This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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