you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
