this beer tastes like vomit already
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize