mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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