So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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