There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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