i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
