is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize