I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
