I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
