Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
