Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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