i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
