I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
