She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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