and she was petting her beer can
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
