So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
