A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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