Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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