Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
