I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
