So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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