Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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