My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
