Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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