I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
