How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
