Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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