idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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