The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i will never coherently bang her
do herpes really smell.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
