another moral hangover. fuck.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im holly from the hills drunk
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
