i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got inside last night via doggy door
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
