Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
