the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize