I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've blown a few things in my day
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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