Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
