walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
