you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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