You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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