Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
