Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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