Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize