we have pet lesbian snakes
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
