"it" just moved
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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