so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
