Ambien. No doubt about it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
