You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
