Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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