apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
