I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
