Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
