you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
